Neither Could Dylan

It’s been sort of a wild last couple months so I wanted to check in and give you guys an update to what’s been going on.

Last year I’d mentioned I’d been dealing with some sort of random and sporadic health issues that despite undergoing a series of tests, we weren’t able to determine the root cause of. It was really stressing me out and I ended up pulling away from my normal exercise regime and trying to relax a bit more, thinking that maybe I just hadn’t been giving myself enough of a break from things in general.

Unsurprisingly that probably wasn’t the best course of action. The stress led me to resort to my biggest vice – emotional eating and the lack of exercise led to me packing on a few unwanted pounds.

I’ve struggled with emotional eating since I was quite young, but a few years back I had an incredible breakthrough when I learned about the Keto diet. If you’re unfamiliar, Keto basically has you restrict sugar and carbs and instead you focus more on eating protein and healthy fats. Your body then adapts to using fat as your fuel source which leads to pretty fast weight loss (for most), and has a ton of other great mental benefits. It immediately improved my focus and helped me managed my most troublesome ADHD-symptoms and it completely did away with the previously insatiable urges to consume sugar and carbs. It was basically a miracle.

At the time, I lived with my ex only, so commiting to the diet was a breeze. On Keto I am still able to eat all the other foods I really do love, so it’s easy to follow; I felt I’d found a critcal missing piece to my lifestyle and ran with it. With that diet, I’d also recommitted myself to fitness and that’s way back when I started running races and marathons. Over a reasonably short time, I got myself down to my healthiest weight ever and was finally truly happy in my own body and ecstatic that I could wear all sorts of clothes I’d previously been too uncomfortable to show myself in.

So what happened?

When I moved back in with my family after my divorce, I had to adapt to my family’s lifestyle and their way of eating again. Yeah, the same lifestyle and eating that led me to binge-eating in the first place.

One of the things I think we don’t talk about enough when it comes to health and wellness is the incredible pressure we all face from the very people who love us and how difficult it can be to tow those emotional lines. In my case, one of my biggest hurdles has been navigating how to do the things that I know are right for me (not drinking, not eating carb-heavy foods) and not causing some sort of grief to my family, like disappointing my mother when she puts her energy into making big meals and trying to explain to her that it’s not her cooking, but that it just doesn’t work for my body.

Over the last year or two in particular, I really caved. I didn’t want to rock the boat at home because I’m not able to contribute much to the house – financially, things have been rough the last few years and new challenges never seem far away. Because I wasn’t able to buy any of my own food to suit my needs, I had to just make due with what we had and what we had was certainly not Keto. So I compromised with the food and let my family win that fight.

I grew more and more lethargic, my focus was a mess and my ADHD was running rampant for a while leading to me feeling unproductive and, well, really shitty.

Over the holidays some of my health issues got worse and suddenly I ws dealing with a sharp pain in my abdominals that would come and go at all times of day. Sometimes it was so pinching it would wake me in the middle of the night and I’d let out an audible “Ow!”

Then one night my heart starting racing hard and it wouldn’t settle down for a good 3-hours. I ended up sitting up with my dad worried that I would have to go to the hospital. Eventually I was able to calm myself back down and the symtoms dissipated, but I knew it was time to call my doctor.

So a few more tests later and I have at least one answer to evrything that’s been going on.

I used to joke in my early 20’s when we were out having stupid heavy drinking nights that I was doing terrible damage to my liver – I didn’t expect that it wouldn’t be until nearly 5-years after getting sober that I’d find out I have indeed damaged my liver.

Early in January I was diagnosed with NAFLD, fatty liver disease. And I have a small gallblader apparently, but the jury is still out I think on what exactly that means for me right now.

It’s kind of nuts but after the initial shock of getting diagnosed with NAFLD wore off (and there certainly was a bit of a grieving period), I finally had something else I really needed.

A verifable reason to say no.

“No I can’t have that, it’ll harm my liver.”

“I’m sure that is as great as it looks, but it’ll harm my liver.”

I immediately adjusted my diet. I went back to Keto. It took literally no time at all for the abdominal pains to go away almost entirely (though I have had the odd flare up, just a couple over the last month as I determine what works best for my digestion and liver). I’ve lost some inches and some pounds and the trend is continuing that way. I feel much better already.

My family doesn’t really understand Keto no matter how often I explain it, so I am often reminding them now that “No, sorry, can’t have that either – carbs!” but this is the first time in my life where I no longer feel guilty about saying no.

I can see it’s frustrating for them. It shouldn’t be, but people take all sorts of pride in different things and I think in my mother’s case in particular, she shows love with food and now she can no longer provide that to me the way she is used to.

But to think that I have spent years damanging my body all because I don’t want to make someone else feel bad is absolutely baffling, isn’t it? Because I already knew that what I was doing was not great for me, but I ignored all sorts of signs in favour of being agreeable. I’ve always been that way with certain people.

I wanted to talk about this because I know health is such a tough topic for a lot of people and I know there are a lot of people who struggle with finding the same balance that I have had to find. I hope it does not take a diagnosis of something rather serious (but manageable!) to get you to the same point of becoming comfortable and confident enough to advocate wholly for yourself.

Quitting smoking for me in my early 20’s was easy, I don’t think I ever really enjoyed it. Quitting drinking was tougher, but I am so much better off without it. Quitting food? Gotta be the toughest addiction to overcome, I think. It’s not like we can go cold-turkey on that one. But food is medicine and we should really treat it as such.

For the record I am not advocating for anyone to dump carbs and sugar and hop on the Keto wagon, but it absolutely does wonders for me mentally and physically and seems to seriously be helping my liver and general digestion get back to normalcy. Of course, we’ll see what the doctors say when we do a check-up some time from now and adjust accordingly.

All that said, getting my health back to where I want it to be has been my number 1 priority this year and will continue to be. I’m back in the gym doing some pilates, ice skating, weights, yoga and soon I’ll get back into running and swimming, too.

Outside of all that, you might’ve seen on my social media channels that I’m currently on what I call “The Open Stages Tour” where I’m performing throughout the year at as many open mics as I can as part of my grander goal of visiting and performing in as many cities as I can get myself to. If you have an Open Mic you host that I might not be aware of, please let me know and I’ll do my best to come out!

I also have just finished mixing my new EP, Homeless Youth, and I’ll be releasing something from it soon, so keep an ear out for that.

In case you missed it, check out my recent cover of Julian Taylor’s Weighing Down available on YouTube.

Oh, and come see me playing Winterfolk fest on February 15th! I’ll also be volunteering as a sound tech on the Friday and Sunday, so say hey if you’re at the fest!

Okay, that’s all for now. Have a great weekend and take care of yourselves,

NCDilly