Neither Could Dylan

With our debut album “Acceptance” due out on April 7th, I wanted to take a few minutes to talk about the album in my own words and dive a little further into the songs that make up the album. 

If you’re familiar with my earlier projects, you might already know how this’ll go; I did one for my acoustic EP “Jestem Krzyzym Lasem” and first solo full-length for “The Clearing” which are available everywhere under Jaimee Jakobczak (that’s me).

The reason I mention those records, aside from the shameless plug to maybe check them out, is because they were pretty pivotal in discerning a direction for what would become Neither Could Dylan and this subsequent album and in the interest of record keeping I like to keep a little journal of my thoughts about these things as they continue to grow. 

One of the songs from those earlier writing sessions eventually even found it’s home on this album – I otherwise for the longest time wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with it. 

But before we get there I just want to talk a bit about the record itself, how it came to be and why it seemed important to release it now. 

I’ll start this with a question. 

“What’s the hardest conversation you never had?” 

If you’re anything like me you’ve found yourself in situations where there was something on your mind but for whatever reason at the time, either by not having the words yourself to express it or maybe not seeing a sense in getting into it with someone if you thought it might cause confrontation, you let it pass and never had it only to find yourself years later still sitting with those thoughts and letting them tumble around your head. 

I distinctly remember the day I got a phone call from my mother who had found some cigarettes hidden in the back of my closet. It would’ve been easy for me then to be mad about her snooping through my things (in her house!) but, when she mentioned it I felt an immediate relief wash over me. I told her, “I’m actually really glad you found them.” Lying about it was stressing me out to the point of chain smoking and frankly I’d been wanting to quit.

And I distinctly remember the day a friend of mine called me one night, starting with, “What are you doing?” and I told him I was watching TV – South Park, to be specific, and he said, “Oh, great show. Do you mind turning it off?” before he fumbled into telling me he was gay. 

He was worried that somehow him being gay would impact our friendship (it wouldn’t and didn’t), but more than that I know the sense of relief he felt in that moment was probably not unlike my mom finding my cigarettes. Few things suck as much as feeling like you have something to say, something to be open and honest about, and you’re worried that you can’t have that conversation with the people closest to you. Just before we got off the phone that night he said, “I feel a lot better now that you know” and I did, too. 

When I wrote my first full-length, “The Clearing”, it was an unapologetic honest look at the types of things I had been going through, but had never been able to talk about. The result is a pretty aggressive punk-rock-based record that, while I love it for what it is, seemed to nest itself perfectly within my former-teenage-self. The only problem with that is that I’m not a teenager anymore. 

While the experience and conversations I address in “The Clearing” are equally important as those in “Acceptance” the real difference for me was deciding on how I wanted to approach them. 

I’ve always taken a bit of pride in myself for being open to talking about anything and I always feel safest around those who are willing to answer questions about the things I don’t quite understand yet; I wanted to embody that sentiment for others. Of course, it isn’t easy. I, like you, have some pretty strong opinions about things and I don’t always express them with the eloquence and grace I hope to, but I think this is a normal and natural reaction and isn’t cause to write people off entirely – we all put our feet in our mouths sometimes, or we phrase things poorly in a way that’s perceived far more negatively than intended. 

That next part is important though because one of the things I had to come to terms with over time is that you can have nothing but the best intentions, you can be as delicate and sensitive and caring as you believe yourself to be when speaking with someone, but ultimately it’s not up to you whether or not they’re willing to have that dialogue with you, then, now, or in the future. 

“Acceptance” takes you through some of these conversations that I had with the people closest to me in some capacity as I made the difficult decision to pull the plug on a very short marriage, understand the importance of leading by example as I chose to get sober, and worked through the situations and experiences I had over the last decade or so, for the first time truly alone.  

What I’d discover in the moments I’d try to open up about things is that I’d often not feel that relief or support that I was looking for and needed in those moments. I had to learn to accept that I could not lean on others for any of this – we all have emotional limitations. 

I also had to learn to accept that trying to hold on to some of these relationships was in itself causing unnecessary stress and though it was difficult, I had to decide which of those were worth losing to ensure I was taking care of myself first. 

By the end of writing “Acceptance” what I’d come to understand and appreciate is that the only thing we can control is ourselves, and while it’s frustrating not having others to ask advice of and I undoubtedly make many mistakes and will continue to, I can at least have confidence in myself and knowing that I’m making the best decisions for myself at the time I make them. There is strength and pride in complete accountability.

“Acceptance” is a solo-home-recorded album that I put all the pieces together myself. It’s not meant to be perfect because it’s a reflection of who I am today, but it’s full of things that I would not have expected myself a couple years ago to have been able to do, which should probably be a lesson in not selling yourself short. 

I included keyboards, piano and string arrangements on this record, which is a first for me as a player-composer. Otherwise it’s strongly folk-rock influenced with just about every track starting with an acoustic guitar foundation just as they were first written, but embellished with moody bass lines and flavourful electric guitar lines. It’s best served on headphones because that’s how it was recorded and mixed.

I don’t think any record sounds quite like this one and I imagine they wouldn’t because, it’s just me. 

“To Be Loved”, “Chemical Therapy” and an acoustic cut of “Happy” are already available on streaming services. 

Everything else will be out on April 7th, 2023. 

I hope you enjoy listening to it.

The next blog in this series will kick off with track 1: Tapes.

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