Neither Could Dylan

I nearly decided to keep To Be Loved as an acoustic-only production and it would have been the only one on the album that I gave that treatment for, but ultimately as you can hear on the record, of course I didn’t do that. As much as I enjoy playing this song stripped down on acoustic, I think this version does the song much better and now it’s one of my favourite’s.

It veers ever slightly into a sort of modern-country song with the beat heavy on the floor throughout.

Lyrically, To Be Loved was born out of something I’ve caught myself thinking about a lot over the years which plainly is, “what does it feel like to be truly loved?”

You grow up with a certain idea of what love means based on your upbringing and family dynamics, at while I’m always hesitant to imply that this means I wasn’t cared for as a kid, what I realized as an adult was that I wasn’t exactly having my needs met the way I needed them to be in order to believe wholly in this feeling.

When you’re dating, people will ask you if you’re in love with the person you’re with but they often stop short of the, “well, how do you know?” We are meant to know this instinctively and I think that’s insane.

Love is fickle. It can be as fleeting as any other emotion when it’s not properly grounded in something solid. I might love the way you remember my favorite album, but it sucks if you’re not paying attention to when the band might be in town.

That’s probably not the best example.

Check out the To Be Loved Acoustic-Bedroom Live on YouTube

When you first start getting out into the world of dating, it’s all pretty simple. Someone’s meant to ask you out somewhere and you either accept or you don’t (or you do the asking if you can stomach it), and then somehow over the course of one or several dates you decide that you don’t mind this person around and it feels better to be with them than without. You might make compromises with the hope that they’ll make some for you, but should you really ever have to?

That’s the part I kind of get hung up on.

I’ve found myself over my own dating life making a whole lot of compromises and sacrifices for the greater good of feeling loved, but when you’re giving so much of yourself away at what point do you know you’ve forgotten how to love yourself?

When I finally made the decision to get divorced, I knew it was the right thing to do. I spent a lot of time thinking about the person I was before we’d met, the person I was during the initial stages of getting to know each other, and the person I became after years of time together.

I no longer liked myself, but I knew the person I liked was still inside me somewhere. I also knew that person could not thrive with this other person that I had tried so hard to love under the assumption that they did or would love me the way I needed to be.

That feat would be impossible for them – I did not know what I needed to feel it.

When we were together I found it difficult to do the things I loved to do.

I went to less concerts because I was pulling a lot of the financial weight between us and it wasn’t something high on their own priority list – they liked music, but not like I did. I’d have difficulty sticking to my fitness regime in favour of watching sports and having drinks – their preferred past time, not mine. I let my guitars sit in the corner collecting dust because I did not feel comfortable playing around them, insecure that they’d think I was shitty or find it annoying like I’d been used to as a child starting out. They didn’t have creative hobbies and so, I imagined they didn’t understand the time and commitment required to get to a place of, “I’m okay at this, I think?” I enjoyed learning to become a better cook but I hated that they never seemed to want to return the labour.

I could go on for a while like this, but I think you can see where things started to click.

So what did I think I needed?

I needed someone who had as much of an interest in concerts and live events so that we could go to shows together and share the cost; it’s a lot easier to go to shows when you’re not shelling out the price of two tickets every single time you want to see something. I needed someone that enjoyed sports, but maybe playing them too instead of just watching. I needed someone who had an interest in sharing the workload at home because I didn’t want to feel like I was constantly working. And finally, I really need someone who is actively supportive in what I’m doing and encourages me to continue the things I like to do, even if they don’t wholly understand or appreciate it – like making music.

That last one was a big pill to swallow. How can you love someone if you feel like they don’t support you?

I realized that because I had never considered absolutely any of them prior to beginning to date in my teens, I had set myself up for complete failure at every turn. You can’t expect to find someone who can provide you what you need until you’ve determined what it is.

While a lot of the music I listened to spoke about love, feeling it, losing it, missing it, wanting it, I’d find myself then listening to the same albums I grew up with wondering how much of it was based in truth. How many of these other artists I loved to listen to had given these thoughts the same consideration? Had they figured out the secret so much earlier than I did, and how? Or were they just fond of the idea and the language?

In To Be Loved I ask myself a handful of important questions,
“Did you mean it when you said you felt like to be loved?” I didn’t.
“Did you believe that you were deserving of all that it was?” I didn’t.
“Did you mean it when you said you knew what it meant to love?” I believe I do now.
And “did you believe that you were capable of all that it was?” I believe I did the best I could with the person I was then and am better prepared for it now.

I’m sure my definition of what this means to me will continue to grow the more time I spend with myself but right now, I’m at least starting from a place of understanding what I don’t want or don’t need and I think that’s at least half the battle here.

Sure there should be compromise and sure there might be some sacrifice, but you should never feel like you’ve lost yourself the way I had.

My hope with To Be Loved is that it encourages people to spend time with those same questions above and learn what their own mind, body and soul really need in order to flourish. We are all deserving of love, but to find it we need to start with ourselves.

Here are the official lyrics for To Be Loved:

Did you mean it when you said you knew what it felt like to be loved?
Did you believe that you were deserving of all that it was?
Were you sure, so sure, swore it came from above?
Give up all that you were for whatever might come?

Did you see
When they fell
Each domino
An internal hell
Did you grasp
At the straws
Feel them break
Too brittle now
Did you hold
On to hope
Or did you beg
For a way out
Did you cry
Or did you shout
When they held you down
When they held you down

Did you mean it when you said you knew what it felt like to be loved?
Did you believe that you were deserving of all that it was?
Were you sure, so sure, swore it came from above?
Give up all that you were for whatever might come?
Did you mean it when you said you knew what it felt like to be loved?

Now if you can
Tell me what it’s like
The adoration and the warmth of light
Does it sound like a song
That makes you wanna dance
Or a sweet lullaby
That lures you into a trance
If you can
Tell me what it’s like
To be put on hold
And stay on the line
Not knowing what’s waiting
On the other side
But believing
It would be alright

Did you mean it when you said you knew what it meant to love?
Did you believe that you were capable of all that it was?
Were you sure, so sure, swore that they were the one?
Did you hold out for more, did you stand by, or run?

Did you mean it when you said you knew what it felt like to be loved?
Did you believe that you were deserving of all that it was?
Were you sure, so sure, swore it came from above?
Give up all that you were for whatever might come?
Did you mean it when you said you knew what it felt like to be loved?

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Listen to To Be Loved wherever you stream & don’t forget you can order the album on CD through our online store. 

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Next time, I’ll tackle track 4: Skeleton

In case you missed it, jump back to the overview blog about this record.