If Skeleton found us buried deep in the ground at the back of an abandoned cave, then Dismal brings with it the spirit of eager spelunkers on their first grand expedition.
It was vitally important that the tone of this track carry itself with more of a carefree fresh air quality because lyrically, we’re still processing the experiences we’ve seen ourselves through.
The lead guitar lines are not meant to in any way distract but just embellish the existing notes strummed on the acoustic guitar that drives this song and we lean a little into the bass to give the track just a little bit of bop and bounce.
The things I express in Dismal are very much in line with how I tend to react and sit with a lot of things that trouble me. I often call myself a realist but I’m one who is always teetering on the fence of optimism – I have little patience for pessimistic types and find them both unimaginative and depressing.
Dismal starts with an observation which is just a metaphor for being in a dark place and having difficulty seeing anything positive on the horizon. As they say with every cloud there is a silver lining and sometimes that lining is just thin enough for some sun to poke through.
In verse two I go on to explain that this was brought on by feeling like I had been wronged and beaten down by an experience, having once felt like I was on the same page with someone only to later realize that their motives for their involvement were far different than my own. It can be all too easy for someone like me to get stuck in this holding pattern where I turn myself around and around to try and see where exactly I went wrong, what I overlooked, or what mistakes I myself had made. It’s an exhausting exercise and ultimately not one that’s terribly helpful because it focuses so heavily on personal accountability for issues or behaviors that may have had absolutely nothing to do with my own actions and so the onus shouldn’t be on me, but on the others involved as well.
This is a fault of mine that was so heavily ingrained from me at a young age that even now I can find myself falling back into these conversations with myself and not allowing myself the necessary compassion that I might offer someone else if they came to me with a similar experience.
Check out the Dismal Acoustic-Bedroom Live on YouTube
Dismal, I should clarify, follows the same story laid out in Skeleton where after years of abuse (whether psychological, mental, physical or otherwise), you find yourself not just feeling low and little but also unable to see yourself as more than anything without the person that made you feel this way.
The thing about any kind of abusive relationship is that it is always built on the need for control and power over another, so it’s important to go easy on yourself and understand that this strange desire to be with this person who did this to you has been slowly wired into you throughout the experiences you had with them. You are not strange or broken nor did you seek this treatment, you were likely manipulated and are perhaps too trusting because like me, you ere on the side of optimism despite any evidence to the contrary.
An example of this that I see come up often tends to happen with sexual assault victims. Whether it happened once or several times, the general public has a tendency to view sexual assault victims with a certain level of distrust and contempt, asking of them “how did you let this happen,” instead of asking the assailaint, “in what world did you think this was acceptable?”
It’s difficult to understand how we can live in a world where so many people are so quick to question a victims role in an attack rather than focus on the real issue – that the attacks are occurring and with a seemingly unending and increasing frequency.
If you have ever been the victim of any kind of assault and no one has explicitly stated this – you are not at fault. To say so is incredulous and only serves to protect those who lack the empathy to see the real consequences of their actions. A society that encourages conversations that pin the onus on the victim is as sick and depraved as the one willing to commit the act and it’s a point of contention I breach just the surface of at various points of “Acceptance”.
Here are the official lyrics for Dismal:
When I awoke this morning I couldn’t see anything at all
I could feel the rays but the sun was playing hide and seek with the clouds
I know a lot has changed since the day we met, but please know that I’m trying
It’s the little things that get to me, that make me bitter and despondent
I know it meant nothing to either of one of us
So why am I stuck here overanalyzing your conquest
I just can’t keep trying,
Trying to keep up
Break my legs so I have an excuse to stop
I almost wish we hadn’t left things the way that we did
But I complicate simplicity, and I had no choice but to leave
To be honest I’m a liar and I just didn’t want to have to lie to you
But I miss you like crazy, so here I go again, bending the truth
I know it meant nothing to either one of us
But I’m the one still stuck here, still chasing the thought
And I really can’t keep trying, trying so hard to keep up
Break my legs so I have an excuse to stop
I’m just so tired of running
Towards a horizon that drops
I know it meant nothing
At least not to you
But this track goes on forever
and I don’t like to lose
I’m just so tired of running
I couldn’t be more clear
Make the world stop for a second
So I can take a couple to your ear
Cause I really can’t keep running
These soles are all worn through
And the cars behind me honking
Say they’ve got better things to do
I’ve been following your markers
But they’re getting hard to read
With the rate these winds are blowing
I’ll be cast off the road
indefinitely
When I awoke this morning I couldn’t see anything at all
But I could feel the sun, and that’ll do for now
A line I repeat throughout this one is “I know it meant nothing” and that is the lie that many of us tell ourselves in order to protect ourselves and move on from the most negative thoughts and experiences that we’ve had. The truth is that every part of our lives has as much meaning as we choose to give it and it’s okay to acknowledge these things, however small or big, have a remarkable impact on all the days that follow them.
It’s not until the last verse that I acknowledge this myself; That my experience is my own and no one ought to tell me how it should or shouldn’t make me feel and I think that’s a really important point to emphasize. With that understanding it’s much easier to put ourselves in the shoes of others who our feet otherwise don’t quite fit and until we are willing and capable of doing this I’m not sure we’ll be able to come to a place in society where we’re able to acutely determine the best ways to govern ourselves, legislate laws that protect and serve the best interest of our people or simply be in the same rooms as each other without unresolved conflict or contempt for one another.
By the end of “Dismal” we’ve woven ourselves in and out of that self-deprecating depressive state that is so great at luring us into it and I remind myself and anyone listening that there are still brighter days ahead even if we can’t quite see them yet.
Listen to Dismal wherever you stream & don’t forget you can order the album on CD through our online store.
Next time on the blog, I’ll share my thoughts on track 6: Casual Conversation.
In case you missed it, jump back to the overview blog about this record or follow the below index to read the previous blogs in this series:
Track 1: Tapes
Track 2: Chemical Therapy
Track 3: To Be Loved
Track 4: Skeleton
Track 5: Dismal (you are here!)
Track 6: Casual Conversation
Track 7: Loose Change
Track 8: Happy
Track 9: Without You
Track 10: Wishing Well
Neither Could Dylan 
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