Neither Could Dylan

Without You wasn’t a song I wrote for this album, but it was entirely too fitting not to include it when it came down to selecting final tracks and I’d been wanting for a long time to work a full-band production of it. 

I’m still often on the fence about whether the song is better served by it’s original acoustic-only counterpart or this one that appears on the album, but it’s one of my favourite tracks on the record.

If you read my blog breakdown of my Jestem Krzywym Lasem EP where this song first appears, you already sort of know the story here so this blog today will be a little redundant. 

I wrote Without You not long after moving back in with my parents after separating from my husband and I was thinking a lot about the decision I’d made to get married, why I chose to do it and what I might’ve done differently if I was able to go back to those early stages of the relationship. 

It occurred to me only after the divorce how little time I’d spent thinking about what it means to be in a committed relationship and what I’d need out of that partnership. 

When I started to focus back on myself and things I wanted just for me, the answer to those questions became a lot clearer. 

There were a lot of things my ex and I had in common but we had different ways we wanted to enjoyed them, or they landed differently on our own priority scales. Sure, we both loved to watch sports, but he could park himself in front of the TV for a week straight and watch every game under the sun and I was more of a casual viewer and I’d rather be at the game in person. 

And sure we both enjoyed music but I would’ve gone to a lot more concerts back then if he’d had an equal interest in that, too. 

And then there were the things we didn’t so much have in common. I liked to stay active, go running, kayaking, hiking or whatever got me out of the house for a while. He wasn’t really into any of that. 

And while it’s fine and even healthy to have some hobbies and interests you enjoy as your own individual person, a lot of those activities that I think are often better shared with someone else.

Check out the Without You Acoustic-Bedroom Live on YouTube

Without You was born as I started to realize the types of qualities I’d be looking for in a new partner. I’m a monogamous person by nature and as much as I don’t mind doing a lot myself, I’m not so much of a hermit that I want to live my entire life alone, so it was an important thing to figure out for myself. 

It speaks to the sudden rush of infatuation you get with a new person who you think possesses all of those thing you want in your partner. Crushes can become a little consuming and it’s easy to get swept up in the idea of being with someone, thinking that there’s no way anybody else would have this very unique set of characteristics that you’ve suddenly stumbled upon. 

Of course, on the heels of the heartache that comes with ending any long-term relationship is the fear of making the same mistakes as you’ve made previously and it can make it challenging to want to try again. To try and get ahead of that I told myself even before we’d officially separated that I wouldn’t rush into any sort of dating again for at least a couple years – a tip I’d loosely stolen from what I’d heard they recommend in support groups for addicts. 

Here are the official lyrics for Without You:

It came rushing in like a landslide
I felt your heart beating, steady pulse in my side
All choked up as I heard you say
The words I’d been repeating but couldn’t appreciate

It knocked me to the ceiling
Realizing my mistake
Wanted to turn myself in
But for what, who and when?
Only one thing was certain and I had to find out
Didn’t know if I deserved it but I had to know now

Cause I don’t want to live without you
Feels like I’ve been missing out
Don’t know what I’m still waiting for
Shrouded in a cloak of doubt
If there was ever any other way
To have you by my side
Know that I’d give up everything
Just for the chance to try

It’s leading me down a dark winding tunnel
All the lights that lined the way burnt out
Reached for support but the walls have crumbled
Swept by the rocks as they fell

And I feel you watching as I hunt for the exit
A door opens and two hands guide me to it
Start to feel like i’m falling as I’m jolted awake
And there you are by my side still sound asleep

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Ultimately the message behind Without You is not to be afraid of putting yourself back out there and risking getting your heart broken after you’ve sorted out all those things I mentioned above. The potential that a great loving partner can give you and your life greatly outweighs the disappointment and frustration brought on by not ever having anyone that makes you feel whole. It aims to guide you towards the person that you truly couldn’t imagine your life without while also preparing you to be that person for them. As I talked about in To Be Loved, I don’t believe you can have true love if that person doesn’t also feel that way about you and understand how to show it.

It’s been about 3 years now since having the conversation with my ex about separating and consequently getting divorced and I still haven’t really gotten back into the dating pool.

It’s a little lonely for sure but, I probably need some more time with myself and these thoughts.

Listen to Without You wherever you stream & don’t forget you can order the album on CD through our online store. 

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Next time on the blog, I’ll culminate this series with my thoughts on track 10: Wishing Well. 

In case you missed it, jump back to the overview blog about this record or follow the below index to read the previous blogs in this series:

Track 1: Tapes
Track 2: Chemical Therapy
Track 3: To Be Loved
Track 4: Skeleton
Track 5: Dismal
Track 6: Casual Conversation
Track 7: Loose Change
Track 8: Happy
Track 9: Without You (you are here!)
Track 10: Wishing Well